I had to write this for an assignment for my Screenwriting class, then I realized it would make a good blog:
The biggest contradiction in my life is my goal to become successful and grow professionally but not working hard to do it. I often find myself with no motivation to do the things I need to succeed in life. Spending too much time on my phone and social media instead of focusing on learning new skills, improving my creativity, writing stories, reading, and doing what will help me become a better version of myself.
I have this internal battle in my mind, where I know what I need to do to achieve my goals, but I allow laziness and “unmotivation'' (or whatever the proper word in English is) to take over. My body shuts down, and my mind starts to roam in the void of my thoughts. Eventually, I pick up my phone and start to immerse myself in Social Media, scrolling through many feeds, minute by minute, hour by hour, wasting my time. Ironically, after that I feel guilty and disappointed in myself.
“Why are you like this Gabriel?” I tell myself. “You are more than aware that even in the dictionary the word sacrifice comes before success.” Then I will find a temporary boost to work towards improving myself, but it’s a cycle, a daily battle I hope to overcome one day.
"Even in the dictionary the word sacrifice comes before success.”
We are complex beings, so conflict does not limit to one area of our lives. For example, I’m what you can call a hopeless romantic. Even though I have been heartbroken and rejected a few times, I still believe in love, and that I will find that special lady in my life. Another example is that I have a “hero complex,” I always want to save the day and help others, but when it is my time to ask for help, I don’t do it, I tend to deal with whatever I have to to avoid bothering people. But also, there are times when I don’t want to be bothered and I take a “not my problem” attitude. I have a father that was never there for me, however, when he needs help (money) I try to do so, because I promised myself not to pay others with the same coin, although eye for eye and teeth for teeth sounds very tempting.
Maybe this is why I feel identified with a character for one of my favorite TV shows.
He is funny and sarcastic, especially when he is uncomfortable, a product of the traumas he faced after his parents divorced. He uses humor as a way to deal with reality and tell jokes in improper moments. It might seem like a sign of immaturity, but it is his approach to protect himself.
He is also a hopeless romantic although he is afraid of commitment. He believes in love and in finding his soulmate, but is afraid to be in a serious relationship, so at the first fight he runs away. However, when finding his soulmate, he gives her everything.
He has a big heart and is often willing to put others before himself. He is loyal and selfless, yet the most ignored of his friends, the last to be picked. He is good at managing finances, and saving his money (which he works hard to get), but doesn’t have a problem spending it, especially to help his best friend.
If you know me well or if you are a fan of the same TV show, maybe you guessed the character in the first paragraph. If you did, I'm sure you will enjoy this video.
What are you contradictions? Leave them in the comments.